To All Emotionally Women Broken From An Abusive Relationship. – Shahida Arabi.

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“This is for you, the one whose soul is weary, whose heart is battered, whose wounds may be invisible but just as devastating. The one who is tired of the endless, nonsensical arguments. The one is exhausted from trying to salvage something that is slowly killing her day in and day out. I want you to remember your worth and purpose in this world. I want you to reawaken your power.

I want you to know that it is okay to leave the people who are harming you. It is okay to not be okay for a while. It’s okay to take the time to be alone and rebuild the life you seek.

I want you to savor the beauty of your solitude, no matter what your relationship status. I want you to be a fighter in a world that teaches women they are only valuable if they are chosen by a man. I want you to inspire those around you by speaking so gently and lovingly to yourself that the cruelty and judgment of others melts away into the distance. I want all your naysayers to be overshadowed by the wildness of your strength. I want you to be the warrior woman they never saw coming.”

read more at For All The Women Broken By An Emotionally Abusive Relationship | Thought Catalog

How ‘The Silent Treatment’ And Stonewalling Are Abusive.

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Has someone close to you ever ignored you when you tried to have an important discussion or addressed something significant with them? Have you ever been silenced by a toxic person’s silent treatment? You may have experienced what is known as “stonewalling.”

According to researcher Dr. Gottesman, there are “four men of the apocalypse” or four communication styles in a relationship that can predict its inevitable demise. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation or discussion and refuses to address your concerns.

Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. After the victim has been stonewalled, the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well.

“In relationships, stonewalling is the emotional equivalent to cutting off someone’s oxygen.  The emotional detachment inherent to stonewalling is a form of abandonment and the effect that it has on a spouse is dramatic.

The initial feelings of terror – which are usually below the water line of awareness – are typically followed by secondary feelings of anger and, then, aggressive efforts to get some emotional reaction – any emotional reaction – even a negative one.  And when these efforts fail, the internal response for your spouse is predictable.  He doesn’t care.  He doesn’t love me.  He’s left me.” – Jeffrey J. Pipe, Psy.D, Stonewalling vs. Empathy

The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. Research indicates that such behaviours are a form of ostracism which activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same part of the brain that detects physical pain.

The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. Research indicates that such behaviours are a form of ostracism which activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same part of the brain that detects physical pain.

Edited From Original Source:

What Is PTSD And C-PTSD In Real Life?

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“Normally when we think about “PTSD,” our minds jump to those who’ve been in combat. While it is certainly an issue for those who’ve been in real-life war zones, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD aren’t just exclusive to war veterans. In fact, many survivors of childhood emotional neglect, physical or emotional abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault and rape can suffer from the symptoms of PTSD or Complex PTSD if they endured long-standing, ongoing and inescapable trauma.

These individuals face combat and battle in invisible war zones that are nonetheless traumatic and potentially damaging. According to the National Center for PTSD, about 8 million people can develop PTSD every year and women are twice as likely than men to experience these symptoms.”

read more at PTSD And Complex PTSD: What Happens When You’ve Lived In A Psychological War Zone | Thought Catalog

Beware Of Dealing with a Dangerous Narcissistic Or Toxic “Healer” or Guru

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Awareness of narcissistic abuse and its effects is quickly becoming more and more widespread. As the survivor community grows online in blogs, forums, Instagram pages, Facebook communities and across real-life communities, the number of “healers” and “gurus” who purport to help survivors on their journey continues to expand as well.

While there are many incredible therapists, coaches, spiritual guides, authors, bloggers and advocates in a number of different fields who can provide a great deal of rich wisdom to the survivor community, there are also predators who mask themselves as healers in order to gain narcissistic supply (praise, admiration and/or resources).

When consulting these resources, it is important to distinguish between authentic advocates who genuinely want to help and those who are looking to exploit survivors at their most vulnerable stage of the healing journey.

Things To Look Out For And Avoid;

-They engage in monopolization and sabotage of any perceived competitors.

-They charge excessive costs in exchange for minimum value.

-They exhibit a “their way or the highway” philosophy rather than the idea that “it takes a village.”

-They participate in unethical practices and violation of boundaries.

-They provide false hope and egregiously improbable promises.

Edited from: 5 Signs You’re Dealing with a Dangerous Narcissistic “Healer” or Guru | Recovering from a Narcissist by Shahida Arabi, M.A.